you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
