Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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