I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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