Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
