he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
