Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
