youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize