why didn't you poke me back
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
