would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
smell my finger.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
