Yo dont text me then not text me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
