maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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