Please, let me fuck your mom
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
