he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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