I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
