some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize