You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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