i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
