laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
