Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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