I accidentally burped into my bong.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
