On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
high people should be assigned attendants
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize