Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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