Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
