I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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