Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize