I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize