How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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