your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
