i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
