I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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