If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
