I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
