You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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