She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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