i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
