i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
