So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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