if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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