is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
