we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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