You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
