Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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