How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize