We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
