Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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