I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When are your genitals available?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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