Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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