you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
