My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
