I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
