u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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