we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
