At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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