Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
