Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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