Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
