I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
