That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
