She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
