party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
