She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
