Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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