I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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