I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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