I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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