I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
