You're my little dorito
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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