then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
