I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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