one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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