actually, I'm a sock model
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
