Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My feet surprised me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
